I told him, “Ethan came to see me at school today.”
Mark doubted. Children talk nonsense.
She particularly remembered Ethan telling her that she would stop crying.
Mark massaged his forehead. Perhaps it was his way of coping with the loss.
I said, “Maybe,” but I felt an uncomfortable tingling on my skin.
Mark reached out to take mine, but instinctively pulled it back. He seemed hurt, for he remained motionless. Since the accident, the distance between us had only increased, and this reaction only served to widen it.
I decided we had to go to the cemetery Saturday morning. Noah carried the bouquet of white daisies I’d brought him with both hands, as if it were a very important task. The headstone was still incredibly fresh when we arrived at the cemetery. I knelt down and parted the leaves. I choked back tears as I murmured, “Hello, sweetheart.”
Noah didn’t come near. I said to him, “Come here and let’s greet your brother.”
Noah stood completely still as he stared at the smooth stone. “What’s wrong, honey?” he asked.
Noah swallowed hard when he told me. Ethan isn’t in there, Mom.
What do you mean by “he’s not present”?
Noah pointed beyond the gravestone. He’s not inside.
I stood up slowly, trying to process what he had said. This is your brother.
Noah grimaced. No, he told me himself. He claimed he wasn’t there.
I felt my hands getting cold. Who told you this?
Noah’s eyes were large and serious when he answered Ethan.
Panicked, I tried to change the subject. “Well, let’s have some hot chocolate.”
Noah approached briefly, clearly relieved. But keep in mind, it’s a secret.
On Monday afternoon he got in the car and said the same thing again. Ethan came to visit me again. With my seatbelt half-fastened, I froze. “At school?” he asked, his voice trembling.
He nodded his head. By the back fence. He spoke to me and made a few statements.
What kind of items?
Noah looked away. It’s a secret.
I held onto the seatbelt. We don’t hide anything from Mom, Noah. Who’s talking to you?
The little boy murmured, “He told me not to tell you.”
You have to tell me, even if someone tells you it’s a secret. Do you understand?
He nodded after a moment of hesitation. That night, as I sat at the kitchen table on the phone, my heart was pounding. Mark stood in the doorway. “What happened?” he asked, noticing my distress.
