I told them, “Please wait just a second.” I’ll go and get some tea for us.
She answered with a nod and a smile.
I set two cups of tea down and got a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. After that, I sat and gave her the box.
“For… her?” Maya blinked. “Why?”
.
For no other reason than that I wanted to, I said.
She unwrapped it carefully because she was afraid it might vanish. The blanket shook a little in her nervous hands as she removed it.
It looks like these were made by hand. she asked with her eyes wide.
“All of them, love. And they’re very precise.”
This made her burst into tears then. The type of cry where the whole body participates. Then she lifted her arms, unfastened Ava from the carrier and gave me my baby.
She said, “It’s been weeks since I tried to eat with both of my hands.”
So I found myself holding Ava. Maya went to get some warm soup and while she was gone I kissed and rocked the baby.
Maya noted that it’s unusual not to have to shush, bounce or wipe her daughter while eating, observing as she tried to eat her bread roll.
So I said, “That’s why I came.”
Then, I Me felt something that I hadn’t felt in awhile.
Gratitude. That experience, the knowledge and memories are mine, I have earned them.
Three whole weeks went by.
While having a slice of banana bread at the table, my phone rang.
The person who came was Claire.
Her tone was different right from her saying hello.
He doesn’t lend a hand, Mom. At all. He admitted that the big jobs are not something he usually handles. Not one diaper has been changed by him. So what is the purpose…?”
“Claire…” I spoke with hardly a whisper, not sure of what was going to come out of my mouth.
The child is constantly crying. I’m exhausted. I’m trying to do everything by myself!” she wailed.
I shut my eyes. Her voice was faltering which sounded to me like an unraveling of some kind. A surrendered stance and not an angry one. It was hearing the final truth in the voice of a woman who has stopped deceiving herself.
I let the kids talk through their ideas before giving solutions. I said it, not just said I would, even though I had already planned what to say. I simply listened to her.
I said to her, “It can be hard being a mom.” This is often the case for parents doing parenthood on their own. Occasionally, the roles in marriage can make a mom feel like a single mom too.
She hesitated before she said anything. This silence had a different kind of warmth this time.
Being able to see it from the other person’s point of view is what really mattered. It was being heard without someone saying a word.
Then she could not hold back her sobs. A much stronger reaction than a few sniffles, it was loud, open sobbing. I’m sorry—was what I had to say. She confessed she feared confronting her abuser. That she thought by confronting him, he would leave.
“All I hoped for was that it would work, ”she murmured. Because of all this, I decided to separate you from the group.
I understood, I said. The wish to make it work is stronger when you grew up knowing your parent did it all by themselves.
She said, “I never wanted to be like you.” But I finally realize how much it took for you to show strength.
That was too much for me. I disclosed the whole truth to her.
This is your home away from home, so you have a bed as soon as you need it. And I’d like to have a hot meal too. There were endless good meals served. She has never lost the love she has for you.
